What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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