I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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