i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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