So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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