Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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