apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
