WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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