Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
