He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you had me at cake vodka
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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