i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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