Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
