Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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