you traded sex for a burrito?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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