At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
