Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
