U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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