im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Randomize
