I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
