We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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