Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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