Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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