can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He better not be in your backpack
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
