cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize