sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
