Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
