You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
