I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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