It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
