There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
