I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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