what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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