My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
