Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
