Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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