mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
