I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
