so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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