i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
