In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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