He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
