I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
