It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
