i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize