I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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