evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no, he came in my armpit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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