thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
