I'm drive I can fine osifer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
