I cut my penus on the lid.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
