Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
