the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize