That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
