dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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