I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
