After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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