She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize