My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
