'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize