bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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