My sheets look like a crime scene.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
