6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
