so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
