I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize