You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
