You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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