Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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