I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pants are for mortals
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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