i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
