The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
