Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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