Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
