Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
