Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
