Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
