When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize