8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Its about making memories worth repressing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
