this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
