I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
