he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
