believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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