Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
