I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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