I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
