im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
