I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
