you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
