absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
