So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
